U gif me a rEasOn tO smile

GOODBYE!

2010-07-07T22:21:00.003+08:00

sick and tired of it
i am shutting down my blog once and all..
wonders what's the point..
it's boring here...
goodbye blog, goodbye people..
thanks for viewing my blog..
this will be the last post..
but memories and thoughts will always be here and within me...
u will always be a part of it..

if u wanna know how i am doing or if u care..
i am just a sms or a call away..
or just see facebook..
take care earthlings..
XOXO

Sharing of my faith

2010-06-29T22:47:00.003+08:00

a christian or a disciple?
seriously it's not going to church,
doing good works or praying or reading the bible
that makes one a christian or a disciple..
u can do all the above,
but there is no change in ur life..
because u are still living the life u are living,
before u became a born-again christian..
u are just a believer, not a disciple..
what sets us apart or different from the rest, the non-christians?
are they able see christ through ur life?
do they see what so special abt giving their lives to christ?

actually..to me personally..
christianity to me is a relationship, more than just a religion..
it's a relationship with God..
it's the fear of God and the love for God...
and it's knowing God's love for us..
trusting and putting our hopes in him..
knowing that he is in control and he sees n knows everything..
like any other people..i was not a believer before..
i didn't believe there was a God..
but i still followed my relatives to temples
to pray and bow down to many diff " gods" or idols..
but the day that i got to know jesus..
that was my turning point..
he was real! i just knew in my heart..
i have experienced him in my life..
he changed my life, my thinking..
i found the joy and the peace..
replacing my hurts, disappointments,insecurities, n fears..etc
when i pray to him, i wld know he hears,
because he answers and speaks to me...
either through people ard me, or through his words, visions, things that happen ard me....etc
He blessed my life in many ways...
i realised that when i start loving him..
and walking in his way..
everything just falls in place, and many things becomes so simple n easy..
loving people ard me becomes earlier...
i begin to see things from a diff. point, it's like through eyes of God..
eventhough sometimes i feel down, felt like giving up..
but God has never left me, the was always there for me..
I really want to share the love of God with the ones i care abt..
because it's the greatest gift..and it's an important thing...
i wanna them to go heaven..
As the gospel of God is moving all around the world,
the world is falling apart..
people has become more evil, lawlessness..
people are chasing things of the world..
looks, wealth , lust, status, approval of others (which all are temporary)
there will be wars, internal conflicts n external
more flood, more natural diseasters... just as it was mentioned in the bible..
more people are dying..
today u may be here..tmr u may not be..
in these end times..nothing is certain
who do u put ur trust in?
yourself? ur money?
God loves u..he wants u to be in his kingdom..
God has given choices to everyone..
choice to reject him or to receive him..
all will hear of him...once the gospel reaches all corners of the earth..
it will be over...
one thing diff abt me from the rest?
i have chosen christ, therefore i have him in my life..i have a living hope..
i will not fear of what will happens because nothing is greater than my God..
all i need is to fear God..because he controls everything..
God loves u! (remember tht!)

ohoh..Sammi Cheng new songs,
pls listen on my playlist, i have only two of them
love it, all the ablum songs are abt her faith..cool!
1)信者得爱
2)一步一步爱

yearly june struggle

2010-06-03T20:08:00.003+08:00

shd i go or shd i not go?

hmmmmmmmmm...

reason why i am am not going:

1) beloved cant go,

2) so if he is not going, scared i will lonely n bored

3) i not very close to church people

4) i got social-problem,

if it's people i dun feel comfortable with,

i tend to shy away,shut up n not talk=X

5) need to spend money!! and it's not a holiday trip=(

reason why i shd go:

1) get re-charged again in the spirit

2) draw closer to God

3) at least jeremiah.T and esther going

HOW?HOW?HOW?

should i go to KL for church camp ???

haiz..i need company!!!

if only i had a close friend who is a christian too

den can go together!!!!

but the saddest things is they are mostly not!=((((((

It is June holidays again!!!

2010-06-03T01:39:00.003+08:00

it's holidays again!!!

it's nice not worrying what time u need to wake up the next day

because u can wake up anytime u like

u can sleep anytime u like

it's nice not worrying about being late for work

or dreading to wake up to go to work.

it's nice not thinking about what awaits u in sch...

u can do anything u want

but all u have to worry is about is...

WHAT U ARE DOING TO DO FOR THE DAY?!

gosh..i simply have lots of time to slack n do anything

too much time that i feel bored!

surf net, watch video, facebooking, do housework, give tuition

most girlfriends are working, guy friends in army

beloved in the miserable camp, poor him=((

pretty sians!! pls pls..anyone free pls ask me out!!

i hate going out alone n being a loner!

i rather hide at home=X

hmmmm..

but tmr i will be one!

gonna go gym myself!!!

guess mp3 shall be my best friend..

i need to excerise!!! i see my fats saying hi

and notifying me of their exsistance=(

i need to say byebye to those fats!

Dare to dream, find ur purpose in life

2010-06-03T00:56:00.004+08:00

Do u have a dream?

Have u dared to dream?

thought about what u wanna do in ur life?

something u would want to accomplish

and feel ur life is full of meaning & purpose?

Do u have a goal that gives u inspiration or motivation in life?

is there something that will make u work hard towards?

may it be working hard for the people or someone u love

Or a dream career that u wanna have

or just a simple happy lifestyle u wanna acheive

or a contribution to the society

what is it? do u have one?

or is the road ahead of blurred

clueless and aimless, u don't know where u are heading..

many time u wondered and questioned urself

but u never seemed to find the answer

constantly searching for the real u

or so scared and afraid to dream..

constantly seeking the approval of others.

"study for the sake of parents or being forced to

graduated , get a paper cert with grades that u are not pleased with

or regretted not studying hard during sch years

found a job tht u may not like nor is it ur interest

dragging urself to work everyday

and wonders what is the purpose of all this?

just to earn money and survive?

isn't there more to this?

we have a choice.

It is the choice between merely existing and REALLY LIVING!

you have one life to lead,

don't go into your grave with a list of "reasons why i didn't"

Life is worthless unless u give it value.

I m a shopaholic

2010-05-16T00:18:00.001+08:00

I just realised something...

MY WARDROBE IS EXPLODING!!!!
buy buy buy new clothes..
now the wardrobe is overloaded
the stack of clothes is like mountain
think it's time to clear the clothes i no longer going to wear
and sell them at some bazaar sale or something..
because some of the clothes are still so new..
because when new clothes come,
they become my new fav.clothes
i no longer wear the old...
oh well..it's just constant change of style & season=X
oh ya..Great Singapore sale is coming!!
looking forward to all the sales everywhere..
i can't wait!!!
wardrobe needs to make way for new stufff!
new shoes, new clothes, new bag, new watch, new slippers..oops..
the old will have to go...
SHOPPING!!!!

'Babies' are so heartwarming!

2010-05-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

Who am I to u?

2010-05-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

"There is a difference between being an accquaintance and being a friend.

An accquaintance is someone whose name you know,

who you see every now and then,

who you probably have something in common with

and who you feel comfortable around.
-
It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with.

But they are people who you don't share your life with,

whose actions sometimes you don't understand

because you don't know enough of them.
-
On the other hand, a friend is someone you love.

Not that you're 'in love' with them,

but you care about them and think about them when they are not there.

The people you're reminded of when you see something they might like,

and you know this because you know them so well.

They are the people whose pictures you have,

and whose faces are in your head regardless.
-
Friends are the people you feel safe around

because you know they care about you.

They call just to see how you're doing

because a friend doesn't need an excuse.

They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same.

You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen.
-
Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you.

And if they do hurt you, they try hard to make it up to you.

They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realise it.
-
Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges

and during the last song at the prom and at graduation.

They are the people that when you hug them,

you don't think about how long to hug

and who's going to be the first to let go.
-
Maybe they are the people who hold the rings at your wedding,

or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding

or maybe they are the people you marry.

Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding

because they are happy or because they are proud.
-
They are the people who stop you from making mistakes

and help you when you do.

They are the people whose hand you can hold,

or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward

because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.
-
They stick to you and stand by you.

They hold your hand.

They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them.

Your life can never be the same without them."
-
You guys know who you are, I love each and every one of you very much. xoxo

Project X - Kueh Lapis

2010-05-09T13:17:00.001+08:00

Project X: Kueh Lapis

Date: 08 May 2010

Venue: Lor Sarina

Time: 2-7pm

Purpose: Mother's Day

People involved: HOTL Youths

Yummy Kueh Lapis!!!

Done by :HOTL Youths (esther missing>.<)

For : Lovely HOTL Mothers

on Mother's Day

09 May 2010

All the best..

2010-05-07T22:30:00.000+08:00

You may meet many friends in life,

Once in a while, there comes those who leave footprints our heart.

all the best to Sangitah

thanks for being tht special friend.

2010-05-06T22:19:00.004+08:00

"CHARISMA,

Creativity,

Wisdom,

Originality"

I want them!!!

GOD give these qualities to me please

please..please!

Major self-esteem issues and poor social skills..

face it!

world peace..man in steel

2010-05-03T22:55:00.002+08:00

watched Iron Man 2 with beloved today~

it wasn't as good as i thought it shd be..
compared to the first..
but overall still was ok la=))

ATTITUDE

2010-05-02T22:16:00.003+08:00

It was Joy's last week in church~

she's going back to her hometown

may God bless her & her family..

cheeky boy~so cute!!!

happily wearing my specs..haha

our youth accountant..serious with work..LOL

youth fund collection..fruitful!
well done!=)
Thank God for all the donations!=)

EAST COAST PARK

looking at this pic makes me depressed..
i am short!=(

sexy shorts..LOL!

waiting & waiting..

A helping hand=))

=))))

expressions tells it all..

exhausting n hot weather!

the fast learner..

skating n cycling both at once?

u sure abt that?O.O

Hahahahaha..classic photo..LOL!

It was a fun day!

p.s. what's your attitude towards circumstances, people and God?

your attitude affects your actions..

food, food n more food...so FULL!

2010-05-01T22:24:00.019+08:00

sakae sushi, Ben & Jerry, 2 hotdog buns, QQ noodle..

i think i gained 2kg in a day..LOL

but it was a day well-spent=))

Ben & Jerry..oops..and two army boy's heads..

ice-cream makes me a high & happy girl~

so does friends

and the best boyfriend

beloved is always such a joker..

he never fails to make me laugh~

I love him=P

lastly, I LOVE MY NEW NERDY SPECs..

so cool~~~

GOD BLESS ALL!

THANK YOU JESUS FOR EVERYTHING

tht u have blessed me with~~

Randomness

2010-04-30T23:31:00.005+08:00

guess what i eating?

my colleague thought i was eating rare tofu..

nay....It's a soya dessert..

it's like jelly but made of soya bean..

my new fav. snack..healthy!~

primary sch canteen makes me feel like a kid again

please don't leave me!

I AM BECOMING A SHOPAHOLIC!!

I love buying new things=X

clothes...endless pretty clothes=)))))

pictures to cheer the soul

2010-04-29T23:05:00.009+08:00

LOL..adorable or what?

my little pot of love..

everlasting flower, everlasting love..
my motivation at work!

cute right???

wish when we are old, we are like tht..

still smiling blissfully

cute right?????

everytime i look at this pic..i makes me wanna laugh..

friends...where are they? =(((

What a day~~

2010-04-28T21:46:00.004+08:00

Thank God i survived a day at work today
and also managed to give 4 hrs tuition at night..
struggled to survive the morning with
bad cramps, fainting spells, vomitting..
felt almost like half dead..
said alittle prayer..God relieved my pain~
but a terrible headache came..
till nw..it's still here..terrible pain~
it feels like it's ribbing a head apart..
and worse of all..it was raining heavily
when i was going from school to tuition
all drenched..what a day..
but i still thank God, it could have been worse..
Shall rest early tonight~
Headache go away=(((~~
take care earthlings~
take care of ur health, dun fall sick..

P.s. " Honour ur father and mother" i read it 3 times in diff parts of a book,
which i was randomly reading. I guess tht was God's answer to me..

bleeding love..

2010-04-27T17:42:00.002+08:00

u have never make me feel loved..
u always make me feel miserable..
unworthy and worthless..
u have never given me a pinch of happiness
nor a happy memory
only gave me sadness, fear, a broken heart and unhappy childhood memory..
u even took away my self-esteem..
sometimes i wonder why am i always considering about ur feelings
when u don't even care abt mine..
all u cared about was money and control
why am i letting u control me and the way i live..
even the things i do..
i m nt a robot, but a human..with feelings...
i could never able to do what i wanted to do..
u never gave me an support nor encouragement..
worse, u even give me discouragement..
u never even cared about my basic needs..
u never treated me well..never the best u can give nor do..
it is even worse when i can't hate u..
i know u don't love me..
because u hate even the sight of me..
yes..maybe i owe u my whole life..
if it was not for u, i wouldn't be here..
but if i had the choice as a baby
i wld prefer to rather starved to death then..
don't make me feel guilty..
i hate to say this...
i never felt like i had a family...
i rather be an orphan..
i am tired of convincing myself
u actually cared, only in the wrong way..
i don't wanna lie to myself it didn't mattered..
everyday..the hurt is growing bigger n deeper..
and i don't know what to do..
I wanna leave here!
i wanna be free~
what is it tht is holding me back?
since no one cared..

God, can i be selfish for once? It's so hard to love _ _ _.

cause it's emotions taking me over...

2010-04-26T22:02:00.003+08:00

#247; anonymous by YourSecret on Polyvore.com

MAGIC POWER-我是誰我是誰我是誰

2010-04-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

我是谁
你是否常常这样问自己
我是谁
总是活在别人的期望里
我是谁
是谁又擅自帮你定义了
你是谁
只有不是自己才安全

为什么
你以为这个世界很美丽
为什么
你爱这个世界胜过爱自己
为什么
这个世界不给你平等待遇
到底做错了什么

*朋友都说你太太太奇怪
在背后把你当成笑笑笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜
他们说你是个不能容忍的存在

你想要的很很很简单
不过就是最普通的的的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难
但是请你勇敢的试一次看看

**无论他们又说什么
闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我
没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什么
小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的

会不会
上帝把你的灵魂放错了身体
会不会
是故意整你不是不小心
会不会
你常常都觉得力不从心
会不会
坚持要做自己太危险

凭什么
难道比较特别就是不对
凭什么
先下了注解在认识之前
凭什么
只不过想认真的活一遍
凭什么
随便就把人定罪

我是谁
这个问题困扰你多少天多少夜
我是谁
谁有资格决定你怎样才是对
我是谁我是谁我是谁
我就是我你就是你
认真做自己的人最美丽

P.s. Don't be too hard on yourself, be true to yourself.=)

Love this song~! Everyone is specially created by God!

Let hati Sing again

2010-04-19T23:17:00.003+08:00

Help Hati

The restoration work in Haiti is massive -

it's estimated to take at least 10 years.

Will these people stand up again?

Will they sing again? Let's stand up for those who can't stand.

Support Let Haiti Sing Again charity concert

as Christian performers come together

to try to raise S$100 000 for the restoration work in Haiti!

Donation tickets are priced at only $10 each,

but you're welcomed to donate more.

All funds raised will be channeled to World Vision Singapore,

the beneficiary of this project to support their ongoing relief work in
Haiti.

I gonna support! Hope u can do a part too?

check out more at this website:

http://www.ymtg.sg/v1/events/events-summary/let-haiti-sing-again

my battle field in sch

2010-04-19T22:34:00.004+08:00

back to sch with my new hairstyle..

and it seems to be getting lots of attention=.=

my students and teacher colleagues

were like O.O when they see my hair..

some even gave shocked faces because they say i look totally diff

is like i am totally another person

diff.kinds of comments were given..

"teacher, why u cut your hair"

"your hair looks weird"

"cher, u look older"

" cher, u look scarier, like ghost"

" i thought u were miss seah's twin sister.."

etc..n many more..

alright..i met my objective of my hair cut

which was to have a totally diff new look.

but i think maybe i have over-done it..=.=

today sch was like a battle field..

i wonder why alot of kids nowadays

have serious anger management issues

they can easily not happy, jiu fight or use violence..

the anger can cause them to change from an innocent child

to become a crazy little gangster..super scary..

sometimes their strength is even greater than mine..

i have seen many of them like this

and it is really disheartening..

they have even brought out in me

a super fierce and scary teacher for the first time..

i have always been the super nice teacher..

patient & tolerant

but ever since i met such students..

no way i will give in and be "nice"

u show no respect, u will not get any respect from me

don't mess around with me!

it guess i have be like this, or else..

they may injure each other & land in hospital..

but i still hope i can use love to change them

their personality is good,

it's only their attitude n behaviour that really piss me off..

but i understand it's not easy being a kid..

many of them have family problems, pressure from society,peer influence.etc

poor kids..

God, please teach me how to teach them to be good children!

they are really challenging kids..

P.s. Did u realise that STUDYING is "study" and "dying" combined?

God bless the children.

Show love to the kids.

New hair, different me

2010-04-16T17:34:00.010+08:00

bought the gift for meet-the-parent session..
super expensive tea=X

finally went to cut n dye my hair
byebye to my old hair-style
black is back..bangs is in..& i m lovin it!

finally friday is here..weekends is near! hoho!
long awaited day..finally can see him!=D

Have a great weekend earthlings! GOD BLESS!

I hate change..still gotta live with it

2010-04-15T21:15:00.007+08:00

i m changing unconsciously..

not a girl anymore but still not yet a woman

but starting to think, talk and act like an adult already..

i hate the change..it's complicated being an adult!

recently i got the sudden urge or impulse to many things:

1) cut & dye my hair NOW!

2) eager for in-line skating! wanna skate more..

3) take up musical instrument lessons (guitar or piano?)

4) Learn dancing??

5) Go overseas!!!

6) do some volunteering work/social work..

7) Do something special for Beloved!

8) Meet my friends! hang out..

9) Buy new clothes..change my dressing sense..

10) See him like right here, right now!

i miss beloved,the old me and friends...

God bless! love you!

i know u have been reading my blog secretly right?

haha..always knowing all the things i didn't tell u=X

caught u!

nights earthlings!=)

Show love to others=)

2010-04-09T22:40:00.005+08:00

wake up, go work,eat, home, slack, sleep..
it's like a circular repetition.
same routine that happens over and over again..
today,a little voice in me prompted me~
is there any meaning to life when I continue living like this?
I thought for a moment..and i now understood
what the little voice has been trying to tell me~

Rather than being a prisoner of life's reptitive cycles,
I need to reexamine my life and priorities...
Many times we are so busy with work
or things to be done~~
tht we overlooked/neglect or forget to show care/concern/love
to the people around us or even the people that matters so much to us
for me...I am totally guility of it..
eversince i started working..
I have become self-centered
I always say i am busy with work..
that i don't have time even to reply a sms from beloved...
don't time to talk to my colleagues..
to think of it~~I realised it is just excuses??
Even in the staff room..everybody seems to busy with their own things..
tht they don't even bother saying "Hi" to one another...
But nw something came to light..
is work more important than relationships?
is work more important than friends, family or beloved?
Whatever tht is more important or matters most..
I think we shd make or find time for them..

I think I should learn to take time to do little things
to show love and concern or even help those around me~~
even little little things do warm up or brightens a person's day
e.g. write an encourage note to a colleague?give a friend a treat?
learn to remember people's name or make time to get to knw them better?
isn't this so much more meaningful than just thinking about getting work done..
there's is more meaning when u are able to something for them
and make them happy~

"I know there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live"

Ecclesiates 3:12

What can I do good for someone today?

time to spread the love~~

Take care n God bless!=)

P.s. Life may be monotonous at times. But it is never without purpose or meaning..

New favourite pass time

2010-04-08T21:35:00.005+08:00

I made a new discovery!!

PPstream!!

it's so much better than youtube or mysoju

check it out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PPStream
it's definately 10times better! so much choices!
like a build-in TV on a laptop!! so cool...
loads super fast..no need to wait for it to load..
dun need to see in parts like youtube
and so many shows and channels
and and the best part is you can watch shows
tht were broadcast yesterday
on international channels..

cool!i can watch all my fav shows/drama with ease!
only problem wld be~~all words are in chineseXD
~~i am loving it~~

God bless!

I love my Job!!

2010-04-07T23:25:00.004+08:00

Many reasons to be happy about my job:
1)having more holidays than others
because of school holidays in addition to public holidays

2) having lots celebration means day off in school
children's day, total defence, sport,s day, teacher's day....it's endless
And celebration means there is buffet lunch for teachers!=D

3) Interaction with kids, i love it!
kids sometimes do and say the cutest things.
I am doing what i love~~helping kids

4) cheap food in school canteen!

5) own time own target..a space to urself..no one to check on u!!
u basically can do ur own things! but just make sure work is done=)

6) Good pay!

and so on~~~i am lovin it~~~

GOD IS GOOD!!

No one is perfect!

2010-04-07T22:41:00.005+08:00

Would God Want to Hang Out with a Bad Person Like Me?

CBN.com – Hey, none of us are perfect. In fact, the only perfect person was Jesus Christ.
We all fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23) and have sinned.

For a long time I didn’t like that word “sin” but it became a whole lot more palatable
when I understood it didn’t mean I committed heinous acts, but simply made mistakes,
and these mistakes or lack of perfection, (which is unattainable for all of us humans ),
separated me from God. No matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect.

No one’s perfect, not even Christians, and don’t let them tell you they are.
I also thought the Bible was full of perfect people and only those people were “qualified”
to have relationships with God, but in fact that is also not true.
The Bible is full of imperfect people
(Moses and David, for example, were considered pillars of faith) who did sin,
but still had close relationships with God.
Perfection has never been a pre-requisite to hang out with God,
only a desire to meet and know Him.

But since we are all human, we do like to put on a “good face” and
make it seem (or pretend) like everything is just fine.
It’s kind of like when someone asks you how you are and you answer “fine”
but in reality your world is crashing down around you.
It seems easier just to wear the mask, or put on the “perfect act.”

People are fallible human beings, regardless of their faith affiliation.
In addition to Moses and David, there are lots of stories in the Bible about
all kinds of folks with checkered pasts and poor decisions,
many of which I can identify with;
stories of lust and greed, promiscuity and hanging out with the wrong crowd.

But the great news is that God loves me anyway, and wants me to be His best friend.
No matter how “bad” you think you think you are God would love to hang you with you.

By Kathy Pride

Check this out:
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/questionsaboutgod/

p.s I am not perfect but God still loves me anyway!=)Same for u~

GOD IS GOOD!

what shd i do with my hair???

2010-04-06T23:07:00.002+08:00

my hair is ulgy nw~

out of form..

what shd i do with it??

cut short?

cut fringe?

dye it black or brown?

let it grow n curl?

i seriously need to do something with it..

but what?

Inspiration spark!

Is someone asks about your christian hope, always be ready to explain it.

But do this in a gentle and respectful way.

1 peter 3:13-17

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen;

it gives us assurance about things we cannot see .

Hebrews 11: 1

Nights earthlings!

God bless!

Cute dragon~

2010-04-05T22:56:00.004+08:00

the movie is far above my expectation

its really good!!

and toothless is so cute!!!

P.s. Fear nothing, but God.

One step at a time~

2010-04-04T22:33:00.005+08:00

Weeeeee.....

had our first in-line skating class today~

it was FUN!!

looking forward to next lesson..=))

i aim to skate like a professional!=X

i hope i can=D

beloved n I are aiming to skate the whole of East coast park

after we finish the lessons.XD

I am hoping tht pay day to faster come!quick!

i m broke~but thank God i have beloved=D

Embrace the wonders of living~

there are many reasons to believe christ is real, alive n living~

tht's why we have Easter sunday~

it's nt abt bunny nor abt eggs

it is about a risen Lord who died for u & me~

have u ever wondered why so many believers are willing to suffer and die for christ?

many believers esp. the jews around the world

are tortured, persecuted n condemned

and some even killed because of their faith

but what make them hold on so dearly to their faith?

tht they are willing to die for their claims..

no human would chose pain n suffering isit?

isit easier for them to deny christ?

they must have experienced God

or know/be so certain tht he is real

that they are willing to die for what they believe to be the truth

why would anyone die for something tht is a lie?

He is real..

Being contented

2010-04-03T20:10:00.004+08:00

Today beloved n I was suppose to go do my hair
but the kimage sch was closed...so change of plans
After lunch, decided to go shopping to get beloved's bag
but in the end..we didn't get his bag..
instead all the things we bought were all my things=X
bought 4 clothes!! small umbrella..all i like~
half way through walking, one of my sandals broke..
maybe it's a blessings in disguise..
because this gives me chance/excuse to buy new shoe=X haha
thank you beloved~

I think in life~ the secret to happiness n having joy
is just simply just being contented/happy with what we have
and being thankful to God for everything around us~
because in life...
If we keep thinking of things what we don't have
or being envious of what other people have..
the comparing list of things will be endless..
because what u may have, other people may nt have~
or u may think life will be better or good if I had this or that..
or we think if things go our way...all will be well..
or we keep thinking our unlucky, sad and miserable our life is ..
Life may always seems "greener on the other side"
but it's nt always the case...
a man may have everything: riches, position, frame, money..
can enjoy everything tht is on earth..but maybe his heart may be empty~
he may become proud, arrogant, he may slowly not treasure what he has..
and wants even more~
and what good will it do when at the end of the day, he loses his soul...

I am contented with all that i have~
a good job, have good income, have a gd boyfriend, n many many more things..
the list is endless..
and mostly importantly is....
I have a good God!=P
tht's the best part!

I am happy n thankful for u!! yes..u..whoever that is reading this~
may u have the same joy n happiness~

For me..
though life maybe full of trouble
but i know God is there..
and will bring me through
nothing will I fear nor be afraid nor worry=)

God bless!

Good Friday! Long day~

2010-04-03T00:06:00.004+08:00

churched~

when screened our youth production video

I was surprised tht there were ppl tht was touched by it

and cried~glad it did bring the message across..

was happy tht many ppl said we did a good job..

Glory to God!! thanks u jeremiah for editing the video!!

all of u did a great job too!!

Afterwhich beloved and I went town to buy present n shopping

Then head down in the evening to nat's hse to celebrate his birthday~

there were many many strangers

i was pretty frustrated

when i was left all alone inside blowing balloons

with a group of strangers...

while beloved was outside doing other stuff..

hmmmpp..

but aftertht was ok~

i still love him=P

but was thinking maybe i shdn't have gone~

beloved's buddy, Nat's birthday~

watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

i m dead tired nw~~zZZz

Goodnight earthlings

God bless u guys!!

Sports heat, girlfriends birthday, good food..April fool!

2010-04-02T02:06:00.002+08:00

Happy April fool's day!!!

today was pretty nice..

sleep till 9 plus..

shiok~

did my prayer time, longer than usual

it's nice starting it right~

today didn't have to wake up in wee hours

because it's my sch's sport's day~hoho

so only had to reach clementi stadium at 12 noon

it was fun~!i enjoyed talking with the kids...

took care of one the Pri 3 class, they are cute!

i love kids..their innocence..their warmth..

their open-ness..they can talk abt anything under the sun

The stadium was pretty chaotic...kids were constantly moving ard

they kept asking me when they will get their pedal..nw they are happy~

see..even kids have iphone!!!gosh..

look at them!

this boy is very cute..i like him..

he has been entertaining me the whole day

helped me do things..very good boy!

he says he wants to take a pic with his best friend..

Night time - Celebrate chinghui & Siti's bithday

dinner at Timbre at Substation

it's pretty nice place but it's was just too dark~!

can't even see the menu properly..

they need to put more lights?!!

Birthday girls~

The food was really good!

especially the pizza~

must try their pizza~

Bloody mojito~nt bad..i like~

yummy!!

den cutting cake time

i think i spent alot of money today~

but i enjoyed myself..

thank God for today~

Nights earthlings~

Faith & Love

2010-03-30T01:40:00.002+08:00

"FAITH is not just believing

But it's about living

taking actions in what u believe in"

LOVE

The true/perfect and greatest beauty of love..

Eventful weekend

2010-03-29T23:25:00.028+08:00

28th March (SUNday)

It was lovely Xiao Dan's birthday!!=D

celebrated for her..

Afterwhich the youths spent the whole afternoon

practicing n perfecting the skit for Good-friday service

finally video-tapped the skit

well-done youths! you guys did a great job=)))

when u serve God,

U bring glory to God..

God will bless you guys

Some group pics below..

Wanying is missing though..

I really thank God for you guys...

because u guys have been a great encouragement..

As i looked at the youth cafe..

i feel very proud of you guys..

look at how we have transformed the cafe..

and all the things we have done..

it's really amazing..

Dinner time

treat ourself to good food

after a day of hard work=)))

I like the sky..it's beautiful n ever changing...

it is where the rainbow, stars, clouds, sun, moon are..

27th March (SAT)

This is a money-eating machine..
be warned..stay clear=X

LoOK at the amount of sweets..O.O

their current gf is their PSP =.=

but i m sure they will find the "one"

U are the one i love always..

I will learn hw to communicate better..

Let's jia you together for our future!!

God bless~

Thank you Jesus!

Silent thoughts

2010-03-26T22:52:00.004+08:00

~~I am tired~~~

~~I don't know what's wrong..~~

~~I don't know what i did wrong~~

~~i don't think i deserve tht look from you~~

~~I don't think i deserve the tone of voice from you..~~

~~because i am nt the source of ur unhappiness~~

~~do u need to give me tht cold-shoulder?~~

~~I knw u are having a difficult time~~

~~but i feel helpless because i just can't do anything..~~

~~all i can say is only same old, few sentence to encourage u~~

~~fri weekends are suppose to be happy~~~

~~but i don't feel it anymore~~

~~u don't look happy to see me..~~

~~u don't seem to treasure the time spent..~~

~~you give me the black face..~~

~~I know u are unhappy n tired,but does it make u feel better being this way?~~

~~I wish i could make u feel happier..at least on weekends..~~

~~but it seems i can't..~~

~~most of the time u whine abt hw terrible n miserable ur XXXX life is..~~

~~i know..i can only listen..i wish i could do something..~~

~~but i only feel more miserable~~~

~~I try to make u think positive but i know i can't~~

~~the problem is there..u still have to face it..~~

~~I am glad u share your feeling and thoughts with me..~~

~~but please don't let ur unhappiness affect u~~~

~~i m tired...i don't know what to say anymore..~~

~~don't even know how to comfort u~~~

~~i hate the way u treat me today~~~

~~it makes me wonder whether i matter to u anymore~~

~~it seems ur problems matter to you more=(~~

Continue praying,
Have faith in God~

God bless u..

More of God, less of me~

2010-03-25T21:17:00.003+08:00

To think of it..

I have been a christian for many years~

almost 10 years or more??

but to think of it..i feel ashamed..

because i realised I have not done much for God

neither have I been a good christian??

though i have been faithfully going to church

serving in my church

leading worship and leading the youths..

But as days goes by..i realised that I am doing it

because of it's a duty/responsibility rather than passion/love for God

slowly..sometimes the work of God become a chore..

and sometimes tiring

though i smile happily but

And deep within me is just emptiness..

because i don't knw what i am doing~

My bible is collecting dust at home

Prayers are said only when I feel like talking to God..

the faith was just on n off

sometimes hot, n many times cold

it is like a circle..

I move one step closer to God n

backslide 10 steps back..

and i have to restart my fire for God all over again..

It's a struggle..

u may ask me..den why hold on..why not let go of being a christian?

be a free-thinker..do whatever u like~

but my answer is NO, NO,NO

No..i wouldn't..i nv will or can nv let go of my faith..

why?

because

I know that Jesus is real..

he has performed many miracles

I have experienced him many times in my life

he has blessed me with many thingsand i can't run away from tht fact

I remembered back before i become a christian

I used to hide myself n cry alot..

I hated myself, I hated my life because I felt that

my life was meaningless n pointless..

my life during my childhood was like a nightmare

Somtimes when i wake up in the morning ..

i would cry...

insecurity, feeling rejected n unwanted, feeling unloved..

family was nt a home...

many times..at night..i wld cry till i fall asleep..

it was like my heart was broken/there was a big hole..

which was killing my soul...

I felt like dying...

but till I was in Pri6..

my aunt brought me to church...

the first thing..

I fell in love immediately with this God...

i didn't know much abt him but

I could feel him and his presence was awesome in church..

i love the church songs

I was given a bible by the church

every night..i will read it like a very interesting story book

I hungered to know him

I wld read n pray for hours n hours..

n i could feel him in my life..

sometimes when i pray

the next moment i see my prayers being answered

He worked in unimaginable way

everytime when i felt upset..i wld still cry..

but i wld pray..and there will be a unexplainable peace in my heart

I wld feel alright aftertht..

somehow like my sorrows have been taken from me..

slowly God has changed my life and my thinking

the bible became my connection with God

every time i read the bible..

it seems like he was talking to me..

the words was like directly speaking to me at that moment..

begining of my christian walk was like magical

God was with me..I enjoyed his presence..

He began blessing me with many things..

he helped me to stop sinning

he healed my broken heart

he helped me do well in my studies..

I was happy from the inside out...

but soon..

many times i backslided..

there was even a time i wanted to give up on myself n God

but I knew i couldn't ...

In the end..I glad I didn't

because he is real..

he was like a closest friend, best heavenly father who was there for me

But i wasn't pleased with my christian life..

i was shy n afraid to share my faith with my friends

afraid that they will mock me..

I was only comfortable to share to those i was comfortable with...

I didn't allowed God to fully work in my life..

I didn't spend alot of time with God..

I didn't put God first in everything..

I did something terrible which i shdn't which i wanna repent today..

And today

I decided i am gonna change for the better..

what made me had this reflection?

or what made me want to have a new committment with God?

I was reading vanness wu's blog..

yes..the popular F4 singer..unexpected?

and the actor of the current taiwan serial i am watching..

check it his blog out if u like

www.alivenotdead.com/vannesswu

he is a strong christian..

and I am really touched n inspired by what he is doing for God..

and i feel ashamed..

so I wanna step up this committment

I wanna change the way I live my life..

I have been living for myself..

But today onwards I gonna live for God..

shine for God

and spread God's love..

from TODAY!!

till the day I die..

I wan more ppl to knw jesus..

because time is running out..

I wan everyone to go heaven

where God is=)

God loves u..God bless u all=)

p.s..i can't believe i wrote so much=X

Inspiration

2010-03-24T23:03:00.006+08:00

currently i am watching this taiwan drama

Autumn's Concerto 下一站幸福

its really really very nice!!!

very well-written storyline, very good acting cast

(i am impressed by the cute little boy's acting)

i love it! 5/5

there are also many many inspirational quotes

in the show..

one of them is this:

In the very first episode of Autumn concerto

Mu Cheng says:

" Did you know...

One time when Bach was performing at a palace,

Someone purposely messed with his Cello, and so

All the stings were broken except for the G-string

Just when everyone was waiting to see him be humiliated

He played a beautiful melody using only the G-string

Which is the very well-known music piece called " Air on the G-string"

Guang Xi responds:

"So the story tells us we must be careful of who puts on a fake face"

Then Mu Cheng replies:

"No, The story tells us that no matter how difficult life gets;

you can still play the most touchy melody.

From then on whenever there are times when I think I can't withstand,

I will think of Air on the G-string.

More inspirational quotes to coming up~=)

You are better than the best

2010-03-19T23:46:00.006+08:00

~You are better than the best~

I m always looking forward to fri & weekends

i guess every girl with a bf in NS feels the same..

we watched "Remember me"

it's pretty ok just that u will really need to think hard

to really understand what the movie is abt

some parts actually have no link n pretty boring=.=

i guess what the movie is talking abt is

living ur life passionately and treasuring everyday of ur life..

because u will nv know when u gonna die..

and u shdn't have any regrets when u die

if there are things u need to do or want to do..do it!

but easier said than done isit?

i like the lead actress, Emilie de Ravin's blue eyes

there are so pretty n alluring..

I don't wanna go back to sch next week! boohoo!!

can't wait for june holidays to faster come~

Happy birthday mom~

2010-03-18T22:04:00.005+08:00

Today we celebrated mom's birthday

together with my brother's gf n my little cousin.

My litte cousin, ethan came over to stay at our hse

for this week, over the sch holidays

as his parents are away overseas...

and with him ard, the hse become more lively

filled with laughter, mom's nagging, n his endless talking.

it has become noisy~

and i had become his tuition teacher=.=

there goes my one wk of sch holidays~

with no peace

but it's pretty nice n fun having a little one ard

he adds joys n laughter by the funny things

he do and say~

Just because i appear happy, doesn't mean everythings ok

Just because i'm quiet, doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you~

there are some days i just wan to do nothing at all

there are days where i m moody for no reason

there are days i just dun feel like talking

there are days i can't cheer u up or brighten up ur day,

when i can't even brighten my own

there are days when i m nt the cheerful me

there are days i just wan u to cheer me up~

I have my down days..

when i just need u~

more than u need me...

to make my day alright~

='(((((((((

Ants/ Penguins

2010-03-13T22:20:00.008+08:00

today was total madness..

was squeezing with people at IT fair n charles n keith warehouse sale..

there were ALOT ALOT of people..

the two places was filled with people

it's like an army of ants..

LOL..and all walking like penguins..

but was lucky tht beloved's friend, Ivan drove to the two places...

who he was pretty frustrated because the bad traffic & parking lots were full!

but i really had a good laughs

because beloved n him are such funny jokers

so we went there

charles n keith i went away empty handed

because all the nice shoes dun have my size=(

ohoh..i bump into bestie there surprisingly..

this is wat i call fate..haha

at IT fair..it was crazy..i couldn't even breathe...

so many people taller than me stealing my oxygen..

beloved n I bought a new camera...n i m totally in love with it..

Canon Ixus 105.. (brown)

(this pic is taken by our new camera..very clear isit?)

Afterwhich had dinner at Crystal Jade La mian xiao long bao

because i m a lover of xiao long bao..hehe

I saw this quote somewhere i thought it was pretty meaningful

P.S. I love this quote: " Don't be too hard on urself, be true to urself."

I want to be a filial daughter..

2010-02-26T20:54:00.004+08:00

looking at my mom n father's increasing white hair, troubled wrinkles
and tired faces cause me heartaches...
as i know day by day..
they are getting older n their days are numbered..
one day they may even leave me='(
family relationships are my weakest in my life..
and it is family issues that caused me the most heartaches..
my family has many problems,is far from perfect...
nt as closely-knitted...
we dun talk much..we dun go spend much time together...
most of time we are all just doing our own things..
sometimes i feel unwanted,hurt and frustrated..
but in the end of the day...
i know we still care abt one another..
just that we dun express it or show it in the wrong way
i love them..n they will always be my one n only family

recently my dad went for a operation to remove cancer cells
it was lucky tht it was discovered early before it spread...
because of that..i didn't see him for a few days..
it just didn't felt right..
mom was busy..driving to n fro from work, hospital n home
seeing her tired n exhausted face...
really saddens me..

time is ticking..i am going to promise myself
to make more effort in being a good daughter..
there is not alot of time to be filial..

sorry mom..for causing u worries n heartaches..
is it time?

SICK=(

2009-12-01T18:39:00.003+08:00

i m being plagued by sickness again>.<
nt long ago..i recovered frm the horrible virus..
and nw.. the flu..sore throat is back again..
And my nose is BLOCKED, can't breath...
I HATE THE SICK FEELING>.<

Past, Today, Future

2009-11-30T22:36:00.004+08:00

i m back to blogging=)

Good news first, THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1)baby is going to POP on 8th Dec! which means it is one week more to end my baby's suffering in camp!!
and more time to spend with him=))) and a step closer to our future..

2)7th Dec is my 2nd year anniversary with him!! it's it fast?? time really flies doesn't it?
it seems like just yesterday we got together...love is growing stronger, and i hope it remains this way..

3)i will be finishing my NIE course on 4th Dec!! No more anxiety over crazy assignments or test!!

4)May have a few days holiday before school starts!!hoho=)) I seriously need a break...
i feel like i have run a long race without catching my breath. I feel tired everyday>.<

5) 16-18 Dec - Chalet at Pulua Ubin with baby, his buddy n girlfriend!!!
hope its going to be fun!!!=)looking forward!!>.<

NOW HERE IS ALL THE THINGS I M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1) Seriously, not looking forward to going back to teach in the school....
because of the horrible school politics and the teachers there..
i hope it's better when i m back...the thought of going back scares me off...
imagining myself feeling out of place in school, with no one to turn to...haiz..
i think no one even welcome me back>.<...
but gotta to tell myself to press on..it's doing it for the students, that's why i am there.
Ignore all the negatives and just focusing in giving the students my best.

2)Not looking forward to the new year!!! It's almost the end of the year
...it's so fast..when i look back at the year..i asked myself what have i done/accomplised??
it's like errrr...cant think of anything..sigh...and it feels sad..
and each year..i hate the feeling of growing older..i dun wan to grow older..
it's scary..i still feel like i m still a teenager..nt ready to take on the world..silly isit?

THING I HAVE BEEN DOING:
1) Of course my first priority is spending time with my beloved! Weekends is all i have with him>.<

2) I have been giving tuition for extra cash - saving towards our future!!

3) Recently, in love with the twilight serial.
.that i downloaded the soft copy of the books onto my iphone and have been reading....

4) Draining my braincells frm the NIE training..Assignments/projects...arrrrggghhh..

5) Watching a korean variety show "we got married"..
my new idol is KIM HYUN JOONG..i like his personality=))) cute>.<

THINGS I PLAN TO DO:

1) Sign up for courses and learn a new skill:
Hip-hop dance, In-line Skating, Art classs, cooking class, rock climbing..etc..
Anyone wanna join me? i need company to go with..>.<

2) Thinking of organising a birthday party for myself(maybe my 22nd birthday??)
All my life i never had a birthday party before..
eventhough it's nice to have celebrations with friends..but the feeling is different...
when i was a child, i envy my friends who had their parents to organise birthday parties for them...
a beautiful cake, wonderful decorations, many friends bessings and they dress up like the princess for that day..
i want to experience that once for a life time before i turned into an old person and no longer want to celebrate birthdays..
my parents have never wish or give present for my birthday, asking them to celebrate my birthday? it's totally impossible..so i guess all i have is friends!!!! And planning...have to do it myself>.<

3) Do some social work!!! i feel the need to help someone..i dunno..
sometimes..i feel it's in my blood..natually i want and like to help people..
.thinking of volunteering for some overseas outreach or maybe just some community work? i have been saying i want to do it but yet i have not moved my mind, hands or legs to starting on anything>.<

shall stop here for now..been writing alot..will upload photos in the next post..realised my this post is long & wordy..ooppss...oh well..

GOODNIGHT EARTHLINGS<3

2009-10-22T22:47:00.001+08:00

i know this sounds stupid..
but i am crying...................
because i don't know how to start my fucking assignment!!!!
=(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

2009-09-18T21:41:00.004+08:00

b made kimchi for me!
bought me bed mattress,it'sprotector n bedsheet!
because my old thin mattress is causing bodyaches all over.
so sweet of him!a good bf isit?=)
there are many things b has done for me tht really touched my heart
no one has ever loved me and treat me the way he do.
it's like i am suppose to doing nice things for him
before he goes army..
but instead it's the other way around=X

sometimes i really try to understand my mom,
but she always seem to makes me feel i m unloved, undeserving, unworthy.
she controls but it's nt care

had one week of NIE training already,
the things we learnt is interesting..
though it is all the psycology, learning theories, development and stuff,
but it's really great and useful theories to apply to teaching of kids.
I think i am pretty interested in Pyscology stuff, esp. child psycology
But only think i hate is the class assignments,
it's really stressful, because of the constrains,
i just can't think well and write in such limited time.
The assignments are in class, doing it individually
and on the spot just after the lecturer teach finish,
have to do the assignment within like 15-20 mins.
And some questions are application questions,
we have the theoris but have to brainstorm ourselves.
AND, the lectuere don't give lecture notes!
we have to make our own notes!
and use our own notes!
but it may nt be a bad thing,
because i make my own notes,
i learn on the way too.

I really hope and pray i can do well!

Here are some video's my lecturer showed us:
the one i like most is this

this one is funny,my lecturer said it's proven to be true, judge for urself=)

time flies

2009-09-07T19:49:00.002+08:00

holiday with b this wk!=) hoho!
my NIE course is starting nx week=X
apparently there is like modules that i need to pass,
assignements, projects, presentations and PRACTICUM!!!oh no!
good thing is i am being paid while i study,
bad is i have to make sure i pass all the modules!wish me luck!
i am getting my Iphone the following wk,20th. Yaaay..

but b is enlisting nx month!buhoo=(

exhausted

2009-06-30T21:30:00.005+08:00

Fun,Laughter,Joy!!!!

2009-06-30T14:51:00.015+08:00

hey guys,

great recommandation!
watch We got married or it's another title is Star wedding
it's super nice and super funny
found out about it through my friend
it's a korean variety show
where korean actresses and actors
pair up and live as husband and wife
act and suppose perform task together..
and u will watch all the funny things tht
happen during the process
i love the show!
every ep is nice
youtube has, but it's very hard to search
my soju is better, it's very organised
dun need to search..CLICK BELOW for link!
http://www.mysoju.com/we-got-married/

this week is back to school
so far is pretty good
the school has become lively again
with the students around
only thing is to wake up super early!
have to reach school at 6.30!haiz

last Sat went meet my poly girlfriends
and had great fun at minds cafe
and Sunday had swmming lessons
mr penguin is my coach=)

fun, laughter & Joy

p.s. Appreciate what u have and the people around u. is one thing i learn from one of my student who lost his father in a accident when he was in Pri 1. and now in Pri 5 his mother is recently diagnosed with 4 th stage cancer and can't live longer than one month . Many people thought it was just a normal backache, till it turned worse and unbearable..and was admitted to hospital a week ago. And nw the deadly truth is out and has to be hidden from the child.. because he is closest to his mother. He has been taking care of his mother and all the household cores all these while she was ill all these while . And i bet it must have pained him to see his mother suffering and nw it will destroy him to learn of the deadly truth. A young boy, wonders how is he going to handle to lost of his mother=( praying tht a miracle will happen..all i could do..is do whatever i can for him..and give him the support he need.='(

Thankful

2009-06-24T20:45:00.016+08:00

this week is super tiring!!!
because of the H1N1 thingy..

i this week everyday have to go back to school to do thing.

And my mentor is giving me more work to do

preparing worksheets for the students

And next wk sch is going to reopen

and sch have to do all the screening precautions..

it means it's going back to the days waking up at 5plus am everyday=(
My poor hands and legs are also suffering,

the rash on my skin is itchy and it's getting more and worse=(

but i am still thankful i had my june holidays

enjoyed spending time with mr penguin!!

and i also have done the list of things i wanted to do!!

1)watched the movies i want to watch (watch many movies)

2)went to Sentosa with my church youths

3)went ice-skating with my beloved=)

babylove, he's the man!hee<3

4)watched finish the korean drama, boys over flowers(花より男子)

6)And and went shopping!but though went too many places,

there didn't have any nice clothes to buy=(

and like nt much sales lei..

but but..

i still haven't found tuition!=( hope can find soon. den can earn more money to save!

i am looking forward to meeting my dear friends!

1) This sat 24 June, meeting poly girlfriends, mind's cafe!

2) The following sat 4th July, Queena's 21st birthday

Bestie and sheryl will be there too..hoho
3) and week after next sat 11th July,

meeting sheryl sweetie=)

p.s. I am thankful for my prince charming=)

deep thoughts..

2009-06-20T10:18:00.005+08:00

feeling super emo nw...
i dont know why..
but there is just an feeling of emptiness within me..
and the feeling just sux..
i just wanna blog it out..

dunno whether it was because crying too much while
watchin the korean drama 花より男子(boys over flowers),
or was it because i didn't have enough sleep
chionged through the night to watch finish the serial,
because want to see the happy ending to the story..
tht i slept at 6.30am and only 2 hrs of sleep.
but to my disappointment, the ending to the show suxz!

or maybe it is not because of tht...
its the feeling when i felt when i was younger
long time did not have the feeling
i stopped feeling tht way after i believe in christ
but recently the feeling just reoccurred
because of the issue of moving out..
it felt like there is missing piece in my life,
or it feels like a hole in my heart..
something which i really yearn for..
as a child i use to wake up crying, feeling
life is meaningless and empty because of tht
feeling tht there is no one dear to me in this world
i have no one to depend on..
i am jealous of some of friends around me
they have a love which i can never experience or can
ever have..
I wish things would change but it never did..
nothing changed..
friends become my purpose of living and only support n comfort
i hated staying home..many times i felt like running away
but i had nothing..or didn't have the ability to do so..
eventhough i wished i would faster grow up
and breakaway from the miserable place
in my heart..there is a longing to have a FAMILY.
i never know what is a mother's or a father's love
my presence is just like dust.
the house i stay in doesn't feels like home
it's just a big house supported by walls..
even nw when i have grown up..
i could move out..
maybe it would be better..
maybe my mother will be better without me..
we will be happier..
but i will be all alone..
after 21 years of their nagging, mother's control, having unwanted,
feeling not belonged...
it's weird,to not have it anymore...
like i am use to it already...

a family love i so badly yearn for='(

but on positive note,
there is a new purpose and strength to live for
my future with mr penguin!!
i will work hard!!

off to swimming!mr penguin is going to teach me swimming!=)
miss you all my friends...<3

寂寞光年- 刘力扬

2009-06-08T13:06:00.006+08:00

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心
一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫
漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫
漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重
漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球
还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

Changes like a wind

2009-06-02T09:58:00.004+08:00

it's been a long time since i post..
so what's been happening?
yesterday just went to dye my hair to warm brown and cut my fringe to bangs at kimage..kinda like my new look..

sun, met up with my bestie at westmall..she is gonna be very very busy from now..so may not get to see her anytime soon,gonna miss her!..JiA you with your work gal=)hope u have lot's of fun and meet many many special people=)recently besides meeting my poly girlfriends and secondary friends on special occassions or events..i feel like my only closest friend is babylove and bestie..besides that...dunno where my friends have gone to...hmm...ya..i have a sad social life..but i am glad i have babylove who is there for me and who is so understanding and always help me with my problems>.<..and have a bestie whom i can confide in for advise=)i guess i am a blessed gal afterall=)

And talking about my new job,I have been working as a teacher for over month and coming to 2 months already(time really flys isit it?)..learned pretty much things about kids and how to handle them..been teaching two Pri 5 classes..but most of the time at one of the classes,which is my mentor's class.Sometimes i will get a chance to teach infront of the class alone, sometimes i just help mentor and the other teacher by teaching the weaker students.Or students who never do their homework or corrections will be sent to me and i will have make sure they do their work..

the kids,all i have to say is..they are really really interesting..haha..they things they say, the actions they do..sometimes can really make me laugh...every one of them has different personality, so the method u handle them also has to be different..some kids are slower in learning, so they need much extra help...some are clever but they are just lazy to bone, so u need to scold them to wake them up..some will hate u if u scold them..so ya..it's really hard!so much to learn about teaching..but i love what i am doing, i love the kids, though it's not going to be busy but it is all worth it=)

but one problem about me is that i am not fierce?even the kids say so...i will always remember the first few days when i stood infront of the whole class to teach, some of the kids started talking..so i just told the class nicely to stop talking..but they continued with their own conversations. Then some kids infront told me these
"Ms seah, how come u not fierce one, u must scream and shout at them"
"ya, u should bang the table and use the ruler slam the board"
"Ms seah, are u going to cry?"
even this kid, Josiah came infront and said, "Ms seah, i help u control the class..."
"Class!QUIET!!"
lol..the students teaching me how to be fierce?hmm..LAuGH OUT LOUD
i dun want to be a teacher who everone is afraid of, but a teacher whom they respect and easily confide in..that is something i m still learning to achieve!

Now is June hoidays!!!that's something good about being a teacher=)So if any of u is free, ask me out!hee...babylove is sweet, he going to pei me during these period..he's going in to army in Oct..so i gonna spend and treasure every min i have with him.

There are some things i wanna do this June holidays!
1)do my hair(done)
2)GO bEACH!get some sun!
3)hmm..ice-skating!
4)Lot's of nice movies i wanna watch
4)Find tution to give..(anyone have intro? pls help me)
5)Grest singapore sale is here!Shopping!buy buy buy!oops=X

Deeper Conversation - Yuna

2009-04-14T22:04:00.003+08:00

2009-03-17T14:02:00.004+08:00

My dear friends, and for those who care...
I got the job that i applied for at MOE!!!hoho..
the details of the job are in a previous post that i made
so happy!
actually didn't expect i would get the job
becuz i thought i screw up the interview...
the interview was at a sch a month a ago..
it was super scary..
around 6 or 7 interviewers infront of me
think they were principals of schools in the west zone.
and they randomly asking me qns..
I was super nervous that i didn't know what was i saying..
oh well...i have to thank God for his favor on me=)

so ya..i going to start on 13 April..
but will only be there for 1 or 2 weeks..
afterwhich going for NIE training for a few months..hoho!
today tendered my resignation for my current job..
and work for a month..den off to my new job
YAY!!!!so excited about my new job..
looking forward to it=)
it's another challenge,
but i think it will be more meaningful than my current job=)

fall but rise up again not defeated

2009-03-13T16:41:00.006+08:00

Nowadays there seems to be alot of suicide & killings happening everyday on news...i bet there are even more that are not reported.
what's happening to the world?what's happening to our society?
Is more people losing hope, losing the meaning of life, facing the stress of economy crisis or society pressure,cruelty of life or even feeling a emptiness in their hearts?

I came across this picture and I love it!
Life was given to us, and all of us only have just one life to live.One can choose what kinds of life they want to live, or they can even end their life...
One can choose to be controlled by life and their surrounding, or chooses to control their life instead.
Maybe right nw, you maybe facing a hard time of your life...
things seems to bring u down..feels like it's drowning or draining you..people around you are hurting you deep...or has even u feel it's the end of the road for you.
But think again....have a second thoughts...

Think about all the reasons you should live for or worth living for...
are you going to give up or give in to your life
and admit defeat to it?
maybe u are losing or failing in a major part of your life..
but are you going to end your life and lose even more or everything that you have?
look at those disabled..look at their will power..
they may have lost an important part
they are not able to do certain things
or even being discriminated by people...
but yet..look at some of them...they are not discouraged or affected..
some of them are even happy and lively...
you know what i mean?
we may not be able to change the situation or people around us...
people or situations may bring us down..
But we can change one thing & can take control of
WE, OURSELF!
we can choose the way we respond to the problems & situations..
we can choose to hurt others when they hurt us,
or choose to show kindness by forgiveness.
Choose the life you want to Live!
All of us do make mistake;have failures..
fail in relationship, fail in business, fail in exams...
but we could all start again..learning from failure and discouragements
retry and do better the next time...
Failure is only temporary...it will be over after you persevere
but life? It can't be lived over again...
don't hurt yourself or end your life,
because the one who suffers the most in the end..
are your loved ones, family and friends...

So in conclusion...
Show kindness and love to the people around you!
a smile,encouraging words, a comforting hug can make a difference!
may even change a person...or even help someone overcome the difficulty they face
Humans all need love, affection and someone who recongnise,treasure and appreciate them..
Treasure all your loved ones around you..
never know when they will be gone...

wealth, power and clever mind can never replace love..
so spread the love! make a difference!

How do you want to live your life?
Successful or defeated to life?U choose...
JUST BE HAPPY and enjoy life!=)

Regimented life

2009-03-06T15:48:00.003+08:00

Regimented life just sux!!
i wanna break away..break away..=(
IT feels shit waking up everyday to face the same struggles of life:
MY MOTHER!work, money, climbing up the social ladder, stress, judgment, living up to expectations. I really wish for that one day to come where I could just pack my things and leave and see the world. I don’t want just to take that occasional holiday trip once a year. I want to backpack across the world, whether poor & dirty, it doesn’t matter to me.
I want to travel to those poorer countries, help in everyway that i can..
There are many things out there where people like us dun see..
If only i can leave...
or maybe i shd just take the first step!
move out to stay>.<

I wan that JOb!!!

2009-01-15T11:48:00.002+08:00

hey people,
i just registered for a MOE recuitment talk and interview
it's actually for a position for Allied Educator (Teaching and Learning)
for those who which to know more about it
or who loves kids and wants to teach,
check it out at this link
http://www.moe.gov.sg/careers/allied-educators/teaching-learning/
it's kinda like being a teacher assistant
but there is a balance of everything..
you also get to co-teach
i was kinda happy when i saw it..
don't know why..
waiting for this opportunity for very long>.<
i think i gonna love this job
if i get it!!
nw am crossing my fingers and praying hard that i get it!!
praying that i get shortlisted!!!
wish me luck!!

2009-01-12T17:06:00.003+08:00

was chatting on ebuddy with Hui Bing,
my pri sch friend whom i nv keep in contact with for a long time..
she's back to Singapore from Australia for study break...
was chatting chatting den suddenly she goes:

RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
OMGOMGOMGOMG
I say:
whywhywhy
I say:
lol
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
I JUS REALISE THAT I FORGOT TO FINISH MY BREAD THAT IW AS EATING THIS MORNING
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
NOW GOT ANTS ALL OVER
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
FREAKKKKKKK
I say:
-.-
I say:
-.-
I say:
LOL
I say:
blur queen sa!
I say:
it's on ur table?
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
WAH LAOOO EH
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
WTHHHHH
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
SICKKKKK
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
XD
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
YARRRR
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
ZZZZ
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
cos just now!
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
i eathalf way
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
den dunno why
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
i cnat rmb wad i did
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
den i got distracted
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
went to play game or chat online or sumting
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
den i juts put the bread down
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
but got the wrapper ma
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
is like burger
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
the burger got wrapper
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
so i put it down
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
den the wrapper facing me
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
so i cant ee the bread
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
DEN I DUNNO HOW COME
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
I JSTU TOT THAT ITS JUST AN EMPTY WRAPPER
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
TOTALLY FORGOT THAT I HAVEN EAT FINISH
I say:
HAHAHAHA
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
WTH
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
DEN JUST NOW
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
I SAW ANTS
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
DEN WAS LIKE
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
EE
I say:
HAHAHA
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
ISIT MY WRAPPER ABIT SWEET
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
WHY SO MANY ANTS
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
DEN I WAN TO PICK IP THE WRAPPER AND THROW
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
I FLIP OVER
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
DEN I SEE THE BREAD STILL THERE!
I say:
-.-
I say:
LOL
I say:
u make me laugh my ass off
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
shit lo
I say:
so funny la!
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
wth sia!
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
SO MANY ANTS
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I say:
Kill them!
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
XD
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
duh
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
i just used a wet clothe to clean
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
most of them run le
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
stupid la
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
wasted my bread
I say:
eeeeee..
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
den bring ants to my rm summore
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
=.=
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
lucky i find out sia!
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
else if is my mummy come bak and see
RED ReD REd rED reD Red rEd red_i love my new pooh mouse!! hee says:
GG

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!..laugh my ass off..her blurness is also her cuteness!!

turmoil

2009-01-12T10:06:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's very tiring,
trying to be prefect..
trying to be that happy girl...
that i don't express my emotions..
but it's so hard not wanting things to be perfect..

Alice in wonderland..

2009-01-09T13:17:00.004+08:00

oh no..i am going to be so dead!
boss is on leave since december and
i am like slacking like nobody's business.
haven't been doing much work..
bad news is....she will be back on the 20Jan!!!
which is like in one wk's time =X
arrrrrghh..gosh,somebody pls save me!lol
i haven't even started designing the newsletter
that she told me to..
arrrrgghhh..hElps!!!
stupid adobe pagemaker,so hard to use..
i hate being admin officer..
you need to do everything..so shit..
GOd bless me...>.<

yesterday met up my bestfriend after work=)
passed her her very belated christmas present and card=D
had dinner at sub-way and we chatted till we went home...
we were talking about everything and anything..
it's nice just sitting down and chatting with her..
how nice!

ok ok..seriously i need to start doing work=S
ok..off to work....tata!

the mEmories..........

2008-12-29T12:02:00.115+08:00

time is passing so fast that i can't seem to catch up
2008 already is gone, 2009 is here!!!
it seems like yesterday i was in poly,
but now already working.
was a teenager but nw a grown-up
and going to turn 21 yrs old sooooon!=X
all seems to be happening so fast.
Sometimes i wish i could slow down alittle
but the cruelty and reality of life is pushing me forward
it seems to be a cross-road of my life,
i just don't know which way i am shding head to..
2008 has been a exciting year,
it was my last semester at poly rushing for FYP and stuff
and mid-year was i finish my poly and entered into the working world
i couldn't or didn't further my studies because of my
suxy poly results couldn't enter into Uni like NTU or NUS..,
had no money for school fees, and i need to earn money to give my parents
and i also still don't know my interest on which field of studies to go into
so oh well, to work of the only option
i am glad i found a job within a month through NUS
am now working at BAC which is under NUS,
through it i learnt alot of things but also had alots of stuggles,
my job is almost doing every thing,
But overall it is a good experience..
but i am thinking of finding a new job in 2009
because this job scope is not my interest
the company evolves around bioethics and science..
which is so not my interest or knowledge
so i find the job meaningless
what i am thinking is either do social work related work.
or enter into teaching..but both are still under consideration.
I seriously miss schools days..miss the youthful days
where there was not much worries...
only exam and project stress
just having fun and joking and hanging out with friend
Now is like worrying abt almost everything like a old grandmother..
But I am glad i have someone very special who is there for me,
who share my tears and jOy
my beloved penguin, Jero...
who loves,dotes, pamper and make me like the happiest girl on earth.=)
he is the only one whom i can truely be myself,
he is one that understand and knows me better than anyone else
and I love him lots and want to spent my life with him<3
I realised i don't have much friends,serious!
and many of my friends i no longer keep in contact with..
which is really sad and regretful
my hopes for 2009? i wish for a back-through in my life
i wish i could get more matured and hard-working
i wish i can break away from the bondage of my mother,
and be a free person who can be truely happy.
i want to be firm and strong-willed on the things i decide to do,
and not give up or being flicker minded.
i want to find a job that is meaningful and fulfilling.=)
and i need to lose weight!!!=D

WISH YOU ALL HAVE A BLESSED AND SUCCESSFUL NEW YEAR!!!

Below are some outdated pictures and recent special events that i could remember. I have not not blog about them,but they are sweet memories that i wish to keep on my blog.

Best memories of 2008 - Graudation
They are the ones who make up the memories of my poly life=)
not to forget i graduated with my one & only best friend,kel!

WL = Woodlands libary - where we do last min study for exams..

my clique of friends at pOly=)

we girls <3

the guys

Last day of 2008 - New year's eve

East Cost Park

beloved Mr Penguin striking a pose=P

Mrs Penguin trying to balance..lol

jeremiah, the great musician at young age!

Esther, the emo queen

james, loves fishing

Cycle and cycle and cycle!!

sweet smile=)

feeling the breeze

i love this picture

The Last sunset of 2008 - beautiful!

Us with the last sunset!!

Christmas 2008

25 dec - christmas was spent in church with mr penguin and church. Mr penguin gave me a surprise, he bought me a gift, a starbucks thumbler that i wanted and a lovely written card with words that really touched my heart<3

I gave many packets of hand-made chocolates that i made the day before to my lovely church friends. And i also recevie many presents!=)

After which esther,james, sis Jonna & ezekial, mr penguin and I went bowling, den went hougang to eat before heading home=) I forget to take pictures=(

ohoh i received afew christmas card in my letterbox, thank you so much for your christmas cards,i love it=)

21st dec- meet up with my poly babes to have christmas exchange. i don't have much pics, all with siti..oh well..we went to sing k at a place at bugis!den went to eat dinner at hip diner.

delicious!!good food!

20 dec - meet with lovely couple for dinner at jurong point=)

7th Dec - Mr and Mrs penguin's 1 yr anniversary

mr and mrs penguin went church in the morning as usual as it was sunday,

den went jie jul/gor solomon hse.

Played Wi with the kids, esther, and jie jul, very fun=)

afterwhich we went to boat quay=)

Baby gave me a anniversary card which he made himself,

real sunflower in a pretty decorated flask with other flowers,

sunflower soft toy

and also a D.I.Y ezylink card with his picture with sweet words..

LOVE them all!!

he really touch my heart, for everything that he do for me

i treasure all the times spent with him and so glad i have found the love of my life=)

racing! fun but i am lousy at it=C

having fun!

beautiful real sunflower that baby gave me,

he made the decoration himself=D

I love it!!!alot!!

me with sunflowers, my fav.

Sizzling plate

my beloved, so cute!=D

beautiful scenary of singapore river

we really look alike..lol..couple face=X..haha

a cross-stitch keychain i make for babylove=)

18 Nov - Mr penguin's birthday!

took off from work on babylove's birthday..

we went vivo for lunch at white dog cafe, the food is good=)

den on that day, it was baby's NAFA so accompany him at school.

Waited for him den we went for dinner at westmall,mayim.

Baby got silver for NAFA, happy!

he no need go for the extra 2 months at army=)

Love his every expression=P

i look like idiot..lol

Birthday boy and his mini cake photo session..hee

29 Nov - meet up with sec friends

i think this picture is s good capture!

Us=)..sharilyn missing..she was working on that day=(

yeaps..that's all i have folks..........

Shopping madness!

2008-12-29T11:25:00.003+08:00

hoho..yesterday went JB with mr penguin and his aunt!!!
went city square,Shopping!!!
the things there are like half price sold in Singapore
mr penguin went to exchange some clothes that his aunt bought that was not fitting
afterwhich he bought TWO pairs of Nike shoes for only 50RM!!!
we had a really hard time digging the pile of shoes for his size, but so lucky we manage to find=)
(the design are very nice, both looks like they cost over $100 each)
i bought a EverLast shoes for 60RM!!(in singapore,it cost like over $60)
but most designs that i wanted dun have,so in the end bought a green pokadot one which was rather nice too.
i also bought a sweet lovely shoes for work for only 39.90RM!!
we rested at Secret Recipe for cake and drinks
and also went to eat street food for dinner..delicious!!

i havn't been blogging..there are so many things that i wanna blog about, and pictures i wanna upload..but time dun just dun permits..
maybe next post i shall blog about my summary of events for 2008=) together with my christmas happenings=)

2008-12-11T11:32:00.005+08:00

upside down world

(bloat)

hEy people,

got a interesting video to show

it's my fishy, BLOAT

He's cute!!

I name him BLOAT becuz he is a super fat fish with big belly.

he's special fish beacuse he swims UPSIDE DOWN

and he has been swimming like this over 6 months already!

Check it out!

See when i knock the glass to call him,

he responded by making a turn so he can swim towards me

he can't swim straight that's why

isn't he cute?!=P

LOvE nEver fAils

2008-10-24T14:13:00.007+08:00

hEllO!!

how is everyone doing?
it's been a long time since i blogged!=P

I have reconstructed my blogskin

and i lOve simply love it!hohO!

my life nw is kinda like a daily routine

ever since i started working

working is no fun at all,

i miss sch days!

oh well, i guess it's all part of growing up

blAh!

bAbylOve liGhts up my wOrld

We love nEoprints..>.<

2008-07-15T17:42:00.002+08:00

"Nobody likes me,

everybody hates me,

Guess I'll go eat worms!

Long, thin, slimy ones;

Short, fat, juicy ones,

Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms."

Life suxz

work suxz

home suxz

I suxz!

everything is just so MEANINGLESS!!

THE END

2008-04-26T21:09:00.003+08:00

everyday without fail

there is always..

"hows ur job finding?found job ler ma?"

n it goes on n on..

hates it when mama starts her nagging>.<

grrr..i know everyone is concern...

i m tired with myself also..

sometimes i question myself

whether m i tryin hard enough

to get a job for myself...

because i am still living my life

in my lala land

or m i too picky?

as there are seriously alot of jobs available..

for me,

i dun wan to land in a job

that i will be sufferin or dun like

at the same time i also dun really know wat i wan

haiz...yA..maybe i m a pain in the ass..

maybe i shd give myself a slap on the face

to wake up to reality..

time to grow up mayann!

start thinkin n work hard for wat u wan to acheive!

ok ok..since jobs can't come looking for me

Jobs,i m comin after u!!..lol..

my job is comin k..on its way!>.<

hoho..class chalet comin tis fri=)

eventhough there is many frustrations..

seems like alot of things is out of place

thank God i have a gd bf!

who is there to share my troubles n joy..

because of him, gives me a reason

to work hard for the future...

i wouldn't be updatin my blog much

because my laptop is returned to the sch..

nw usin my papa com..

but oni allowed to use for awhile

i wan buy laptop!

ok ok..find my job first den save up!

hope everyone is doing fine..God bless=)

2008-04-03T23:15:00.008+08:00

"Scars (Stronger for Life)"

by Corrinne May

I just want to run

Just want to hide away

Close my eyes to your gaze

Just want to leave

Don’t want to hear them say

“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers

Broken wings and torn pages

The road ahead

Drowning in my tears

Break me open

Tear me down

Into pieces

Broken crumbs

On the ground

You can mould and shape me

In your image

Breathe your life

You know I need it

Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself

Gaining it back again

Forging strength from weakness

All that I am

All that I’m meant to be

Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers

Pickled hearts and sour faces

What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away

All within me

That won’t bear fruit

Cut away

All within me

Scars make us stronger for life

label:I wan to be stronger!

2008-03-31T21:09:00.003+08:00

everyday feel like i m jus chasing after the wind

with no direction or goal..

jus running n running aimlessly..

without even knowing where i m headin to

everyday ends jus the same..

suddenly feels so tired..

reflectin what hv i been doin these days

jus wasting my life away,secs,mins n hrs..

2008-03-26T23:03:00.003+08:00

evening went to woodlands libary..

it's been a looong time since i been to a libary..lol

the last time was to study together with frenz..

nw lookin at other ppl study..

i realise it's all in the past ler..

i m no longer a student=(

somehow it's bittersweet feeling..

den dear come meet me after his work at 8pm..

i used his card to borrow a book..hee>.<

we went kfc eat..

after tht actually we wan go play "bumper car" de

because few weeks ago

we found out woodland the pasa malam got...

bumper car is so hard to find in singapore nowdays...

so wanted to go play veri long le

bUt so sway..today we went it's nt open..

think it's packing n moving ler>.<

sian n sad..

bUt we went archade play=)

nw my fav game at archade is the basketball aiming de..

because i remember me n dear

before we were together we played tht game

and happen something tht i will nv forget

we continously played alot of rounds

shoot alot of balls..more than 600balls

because dear put the tapz card in his pocket

den the machine kept scanning the card

without us knowing>.<

haha..

i changed my blog song..

"tiAmo" means "i love u" in Italian..

I LOVE MY DEAR!=)

more n more each day..

Money is IMPORTANT!but it's nt everything..

2008-03-26T11:17:00.004+08:00

i wish i had alot of mOney!!!!

nOt because i want to be rich..

bUt so that i dun neEd to worry about many things..

nO need worry abt nt enough to pay my bills,

nt enough money for my daily expenses..

everyday is like calculating how much money

i need to limit myself to spending..

even eat also hv to look at the price first...

want to buy things i wan also can't buy...

no matter how hard i try to avoid the issue of money

it's has always been a big source of problem in my life..

i hated money..because my parents always quarrel because of it

to them,money is like everything...

even when they look at people,they will see if he's rich or poor

which i grow up hating their perspective

but no matter how much i hated money

many times i always needed it so much..

because without money..

ther is many things u can't do n can't have...

it's so true..=(

even frm a young age..i already started worryin abt money

many times i was penniless

the feeling really suxz..it feels really insecure..

the worse feeling is when ur parents don't bother or care..

they are able to support u but they dun wan to..

they rather spent money on big thing tht are nt neccessary

but jus to show off..

its even worse when u borrow frm them

and they scold u n make u feel as if u owe them a big debt...

but maybe it's through tis problems..i learnt many things

i learnt the value of money..nt to anyhow spent..

experience the feeling of being poor to help the ones in need

i learnt to be independant...

to use my own hands to earn my own money

and also thankful to God for bringin me through

all the financial difficulities i faced in many ways=)

i learnt to be easily content with what i have...

jus havin what is needed..

so right nw..

what i want to do is:

i want to get faster find a good job with goOd pay!!!!

nO need to be a high pay but maybe jus a good pay

tht is enough for me to spend n some extras to save up...

2008-03-22T21:13:00.002+08:00

went for church worship practice in the afternoon
dear came to accompany me=)
after tht,we went to eat..
den accompany dear go cut hair at clementi
i think dear loOks goOd in his new hairstyle
so HANDSOME!!!..lol..=D

2008-03-22T10:35:00.002+08:00

today morning had a bad start of the day
mom started being mean to me n started sayin nasty things
when i did nOthing wrong at all.???.grrrr...
but i jus kept quiet..
because i could probably understand hw down n upset she was..
guess she was transferring the stress n anger frm the night before ..
unto to me???
hrs before she n bro had a quarrel for like over 3hrs???
loud sounds filled the house till 3am n disrupted my sleep>.<
bro didn't do anything wrong and mom was being controlling again
bro tried to find out what's e problem so he was could reason with her..
but as usual...mom is always like being unreasonable n nt being sensible??
jumping to conclusions everytime,letting her old-fashion thoughts run her wild??
in the end..bro was tired and frustrated with reasoning with her...
tis morning..i didn't want to wake up..
as could feel the tension tht was in the hse..
but i forced myself to face the day>.<
mom was cursing n swearing to herself...
could feel as if anything irritate her,she will explode like a bomb
and burn u alive..lol
dad didn't help improve the situation neither...he was worse..
he almost add oil to my mother..makin her want to explode>.<
sayin those things tht were of no logic n no use..
saying my mom over small things???=.=
me???the girl who is considered a "small" in the house
jus kept quiet..trying my best nt to cause any more tension..
because no one in the house cares what i say anyway>.<
but the agony kills me..
my "family" is so so far frm being like a family..
it isn't together as one..but with four individuals=(
this is the "family" i grow up in..
but i am still hopin one day...
tht love in the family still exist????
=( X 100

2008-03-20T13:53:00.019+08:00

CHOCOLATE!!!

today woke up...

8.15a.m...

the first thing on my mind was..

to make this for dear...

melted baking chocolate

fresh strawberries

add them both together equals to tis=)these are for mom n dad

these are for dear=)

had some remainin chocolate so i made these..

yummy=)

so what hv i been doin???
lately been working part-time at guardian
my free time..??is stay at home n rot..
do housework
look for jobs
chat online with dear..
watched some drama on crunchyroll..
lately jus finish watching two korean dramas..
"snOw white" n "tree of heaven"..
bOth the shows got a actor i like
he's so suai n cute>.< LEE WAN!!!

cast of "snow white"
it's a pretty funny..bUt heart-breaking at some parts
but den..it's abit draggy>.<

main leads of "tree of heaven"
tis drama ar..veri touching n romantic
but veri sad the ending..
the guy made alot of sacrifices for the girl..
even donated the heart to the girl n died..
so sad>.<

LEE WAN!!!!

boyish charm>.<

sporty and sunshine guy
..my fav..>.<

suai ma!!??>.<

an adv he did with his sis>.<

sporty

but but but

my dear is the best in my heart=P

2008-03-18T14:27:00.007+08:00

Recipe

for

coOkin Japanese curry rice

frm ling

14 march,

lingling,jun chuan n me

we went over ling hse to learn how to cook

first,slice the meat into cubes

skin the carrots n boil it till it's soft

and cut it into cube size

do the same for the potato>.<

cook the chicken first

den add the sauce

den the carrot n potato

tata...there u go...Japanese curry rice

pretty easy!!!

afterwhich,we played monopoly

in the end i went bankrupt..lol

2008-03-16T19:38:00.024+08:00

8 march (sat)

SENTOSA

dear..suAi>.<

us

moving clouds..

drawn by me=)

drawn by dear=)

our castle

our land..lol

after playin sand n water

we went to watch animal show

got monkey,got snake,got eagle,parrot,dog..

n some birds forget their name ler..

veri nice parrot

nice doggy=)

the dog ignore us

finally the dog is in good pose..

bUt a boyboy block the camera.. grrr

b'day week

2008-03-14T23:34:00.045+08:00

26th Feb

2 big candles..20 yr old already.. >.<

graduation??haha

from university of life...haha..

best fren kel=)

thinkin of what to wish for..hmm..so many>.<

finally..there's one!wish,pls come true>.<

Yay..claps..the candles is blown..so happi>.<

it's all mine..lol

PHOTO SECTION

so happi can individual photo with them

nv take before=)

KELYN

the closest fren i had since sec 2

we went to express together..

we went to the unexpectedly went to same poly n course!!

we went through the joy n pain together..

she was always there to lend a helping hand

and a listening ear to me

so glad i had a fren like her=)

SHARILYN

aka nurturtur

cute and sweet personality..

like sweety pie

she treats people veri goOd de wor..

But she can "bite" when gets angry>.<

she always lid a smile on my face...

though i dun talk to her much..

somehow she has a special "magnet"

draws people to her..even me..haha

KENNETH

i predict he makes a good family man and husband

lol..

always thinking of how to yang sharilyn>.<

out-going, likes to be organised n have things planned all nicely..

JING YUAN

*he was forced to take tis pic*=X

he seems like a bad guy in the outside

bUt he is actually "deep" in the inside..

and he can be really a nice guy..

he speaks what he thinks..

which is goOd n also bad..

he takes his stands unless u can prove him wrong

WEI CHIN

the most easy-goin guy i ever known?

lol..oh ya..he craps alot..=X

SHAWNRICK

the "big guy"

he ar..last time like a kid tht nv grows up..

he's better nw?i dunnO..

erm..i mean nv grow up is the brains..nt the size..=X

JEREMY

the smart guy..

he is clever..n jus like jing yuan..

he's "deep"=X

oh..he loOks like one of the korean actor

us..

lol

girls..

27th Feb

dear didn't work

he took mc..was sick

But he meet me to celebrate my birthday

so happy

went vivo..

we got free tickets frm his brother

so we went to watch AH LONG movie

the movie veri veri funny=)

p.s.feel like the happiest girl on earth..hee

2nd March

after church..

jia jul,gor solomon,small jeremiah,dear n me went vivo

went carls jr to eat lunch

eat till veri full

den they suppose me with this

jis jul buy de..so nice

Happi=)

cakes..the strawberry got pokadots..

My birthday gifts

dear wrapped de..first time=)

dear give me de...i love it!

my fav!..frm my sec frenz..musical ball
with music "memories"!

Love it!

labels:we may meet many friends in life,

but once in a while,

there are those that leave footprints in our heart=)

2008-02-27T22:59:00.007+08:00

My birthday!!

i really wan to thank all my frenz

for making my birthday a memorable one

firstly,

thank you sec frenz for celebrating with me on the eve of my birthday

thank you kenneth,sharilyn,jing yuan,shawn,wei chin n jeremy.

and thank you for the present

i really liked it alot^.^

THAnk you kel for opening ur hse n also for ur present,

but sorry for hving to go off early due to my cerfew>.<

i wished i was able to stay longer...

n thanks for callin me at 12 to wish me birthday!

thank you to those who wished me through messages n callin..

esther,ling,jun chuan,jolin,aunty sarah,jeremiah jian hao,aunty lydia,siti n wei boon

thanks..=)

thank you church bros n sis for callin my phone n singing birthday song to me

i was surpised n touched..>.<

n nt to forget also thank poly frenz for celebration on the last day of sch,

n also chinghui for the treat..hee..

and lastly,

thank you dear

for spendin my birthday together with me today.

really enjoyed the movie,

love the time spent with u

love the present!!!

and also stayin up on the eve to wish me birthday

thanks youz!!!

i feel like the happies girl on earth...lol

so happy so happy so content..hee

shall upload pics soon..

when i get all the pics frm the others..

hee>.<

2008-02-26T14:51:00.006+08:00

today woke up feelin heavy hearted.dunnO what..was worried?or has something happened to dear?feelin lost?feeling tired?but after chatting with aunty Lydia,suddenly felt like a heavy burden released from my chest,my spirit lifted or like the something struck me n activated my holy spirit fire for God?.Somehow indeed God is real n he knows everything n he works in interesting ways..How could i forget his goodness or forget everything tht he has done in my life...how could i break his heart n drift away..i want to draw back closer to him..to have the passion tht i once used to have or be even more on fire for him..seekin his kingdom n his righteousness first..to have the closeness n love i use to have,to be able to hear his voice n his heartbeat..or i wan to be even closer...i feel like i have been so filled with his love,his hope,his grace right now tht i want to burst out singing a praise song unto his name..today i shall make a committment with God..to attend church prayer meeting!i feel his goodness!i want to praise his name forever n ever!

"in tht,i command you today

to love the Lord your God,

to walk in his ways,

and to keep his commandments,

his statutes, and His judgements,

tht u may live and multiply;

and the Lord your God

will bless you in the Land which u go to possess."

Deuteronomy 30:16

2008-02-24T20:55:00.020+08:00

love of my life

he loOks serious...xD

he was tryin to act man..=X..hee

our happy,sad n angry...=D

he is soooo cute=D

who's the bigger bully?haha

with u by my side...

luvz
he trying to act man again...lol=D

the life of mine only u alone can complete..luvz..

2008-02-23T22:47:00.023+08:00

Fri,22 feb

Macritchie reservoir hike

pictures are taken frm ling..hee

a pic on a tree tunk above..lalala

tree-top walk..yAy.. gals..high up..

leaf to shelter?hee=)

gals use leaf to shelter..guys?
erm..they use to it cover their erm..lol
came to a pond of turtle,saw ard 11 of them inside..
tis one stikin for pose of us>.< up n down>.<
alot of slopes n loooong staircases monkey..lots of them

stream of water fall..
we were lost...i was tired n hungry...=(

but we had company..

adventure to discover..

slow n steady

the six youthful rangers..

tht day..we walked like almost more than 10km>.<

hiked frm 9 plus-2.30

after the walk,felt my legs were like goin to break..

damn tiring but was fun=)

2008-02-22T21:28:00.009+08:00

LAST DAY OF SCH

19 feb,tues

february babies:eugene,me n roger

everybody..prepare

ready... HUAT Ar!!!
everyone high,in the end...table,floor,hand even head also kana..

p.s. u are the reason for me to be happy n a strength to carry on=)

but at the same time i need God more than ever.

2008-02-21T19:58:00.006+08:00

i feel like a bird without it's wings
wanting to fly..
yet dunnO hw to..
nO one taught me how to spread my wings n fly
fly n fly as high as i can
i feel so worthless,helpless n insecure n fearful of the future..
having parents seems like don't have..
they were nv there for me
i feel like a child left alone to survive on her own
with no one to protect her frm the cruelty of the world
like a child tht lost it's way...
but there aren't anybody there to help her..
hw i yearn for the parental love ..
the love tht i can feel parents giving to their children
but a love i nv felt comin frm my own parents
they were nv proud of me,
sometimes i even wonder my existance was a mistake
life..what is life..
God...i m sorry

sometimes i jus feel "weak",let me stay "weak" for awhile

2008-02-18T16:04:00.003+08:00

Yoz..it's 4pm already..

n i hvn't start study for my tmr test.=X

in deep shit

jus watch finish a movie on sogou.com

"A moment to remember"

it's a korean movie

super super nice

veri veri touching

i teared alot la..*cry*

the best movie i liked so far ba..

for me i rate 99.9/100..hee

ppl if free,go watch!!!

it's a touching love story abt a couple..

but also heart-breaking

as the girl gradually loses her memory to Alzheimer's disease..

hmm..wanna know more??

must watch!!

ok..now i m REALLy goin to study ler..

bye>.<

2008-02-17T20:19:00.004+08:00

Last exam paper on tues 19th

and tht will be the end of my poly life

sch is over!!!

happy because i will feel like a "free bird"..

nO need to worry abt examz or assignments anymore!!

but problem is i m worryin what i m goin to do..>.<

anyone got job can intro me???

i wan work!!i wan earn money!!!

got money jiu can all the things i need

and play!!

2008-02-16T18:34:00.025+08:00

PiCture feast

outdated pic
taken in class after our SDD presentation..

ling n me

i loOk like a kid sa..

fri was pretty bored at home

couldn't concentrate studyin for WSH2 exam
so took some pics...

Sky

he really knows how to enjoy life..

lol
hey sky,lazy bum..get off the couch!

"dun disturb la..go away..i wanna rest"..Lol

astro..

playin with his soft toy...

cute..

i wan freedom!!..Lol

oh..what's happenin outside...

guarding the hse is my duty..

the nice lobster in the fish tank

TODAY

morning WSH exam..kinda brain block

bUt glad it's over

hopin n prayin i at least can get a pass..>.<

went town meet dear..

we ate mos burger

then walk walk slack slack

2008-02-15T11:18:00.017+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

hoho..velentine day was great surpise!!

because dear really made alot of preparations without tellin me>.<

*touched*

7plus went bugis to meet dear after his attachment..

on the train..saw alot of couples n girls holding roses..

hmm..think tis yr seems to hv more couples ar..haha

meet dear ler

den we took bus to greenridge

hmm..i at first didn't know where tht place was,

dear oni told me was near his hse..

on the bus..

dear:"darling,what do u wan to eat?"

me:"hmm..i dunno..greenridge got what?"

dear:"got 7-elven,food court,kfc..."

=.=

me:"still what what?fastfood?

dear"actually there got nOthing much,quite ulu"

me:"huh!..den why go ther?

dear:"got special reason de"

in the end found out that..

dear actully called alot of restaurant to boOk reservations days before

but all was fully booked

wow..

den in the end,

he thought of bringin me go eat plaza hut the valentine's special..

but was afraid will hv alot of ppl n have to queue

BUT dear is SMART , he got do "homework" sa..

was smart to think of greenridge pizza hut!!

though the place is near neighbourhood n quite ulu,

tht day when we went,there was also crowd

but we didn't had to queue or wait veri long..

can't imagine if we had gone other place..

i enjoyed my time with dear..

while eating..

first time seE dear so lively..

nv seE him so talkative before..haha

but love him jus the way he is

he crapped n lamed alot

really made me laugh n smile..lol

i really nv expect dear had done so much

because he was hvin his attachment

n was afraid he may be tired or dun hv the time

with everyday working frm 10-7

tht's why m really surpised, touched n happy..

n will always remember tis day n the things dear did for me>.<

luvz

my beloved dear

me=P

heart shaped pizza

for yr infro..it taste good..hee

dear bluff me he nv buy me anything during dinner
but he suprise me again with these>.< *sweeet* he made the ferrero rocher rose..nice wor

love the neclace!

for him..
actually the glass to put the stars was suppose to be heart shape
but it broke the night before when i was jus holding it..lol..
because the glass was realli thin..
so replace it with a star shape de

decorated the box..hee

lastly..love dear as always=)

2008-02-12T17:19:00.000+08:00

fyp presentation today
finally it's over once n for all
*hAppy*
today i food-poisoning n also come "ang"
cold sweat,stomach ache,vomitted,body weak
super nt my day

luckily i managed to "dong" till almost end of my presentation

almost can't make it,face also damn pale

after the presentation i vomitted=X

lucky ling n lingling with me

help me get cab

*home sweet home*

reached home collapse into bed

slept..body weak weak de

dear started his attachments today

10am-7pm weekdays

pray hard he sat dun need to work>.<

new year,nt much angpao

den also gave half of it to mama

so oni like $60 is what i got

*sad*

tis yr oni went mama side de relative

we oni go diff ppl hse eat,but the crowd of ppl is the same

=.= damn super boring..

sat went plaza sing

watch cj7 movie with dear=D

miss him lots..

damn lot's of ppl..long queue somemore system got error

waited damn long..

but in the end

lucky manage to get tickets..

the movie quite funny but abit lame..

haha.. bUt overall still ok la

nw i got dilemea of eating duck rice

dunno why i always food poison

tht time also was eat duck rice...Lol

valentines day comin..

my birthday comin..

bUt somehw i m nt excited at all..

tis are the two occasions i love the most

but yet tis yr..

i m nt loOkin forward to it at all..=(

maybe my oni wish is can spent time with dear

if can...>.<